My Favorite Trilogy

Trilogies are an American cinematic institution. No studio is happy with just two films while few franchises can make number four successfully. While some are loved (Lord of the Rings, the original Star Wars) and some are hated (the new Star Wars), most fall into obscurity and are completely unrecognized. For example, only western fans are aware that The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly is the third installment of Sergio Leone’s “Dollar’s Trilogy.” Few realize Wes Craven actually churned out two decent follow up films to his 90’s smash Scream. And while Army of Darkness can be considered the best “second remake” of the original Evil Dead (Evil Dead II being the first “remake”) it is also a pretty bad ass book end to Sam Raimi’s best trilogy (eat that Spiderman).

With all of this said, I must say that my favorite trilogy of all time is one that is completely unrecognized. In fact, I am the only person to consider it a trilogy…but it is a trilogy non the less.

In 12 years, dating from 1985 to 1997, there were three movies that were closely related in tone, subject matter, and genre. They weren’t made by the same people or released by the same studio, but their cohesiveness is undeniable.

These three films are what I like to call the “Mid 80s to Late 90s Teen Comedy / Horror Satires.” The title may not be as cool as The Red Carpet Trilogy, but it will do for now.
The three films are three of my favorites ever. I watched them dozens of times growing up and try to watch them once a year even now.

They are:
TEEN WOLF
MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

If you’ve seen all of these films, you already know what I’m talking about.

TEEN WOLF (an American classic) is the story of a teenage boy who finds High School to be even more unbearable when he discovers he’s actually a Lycanthrope aka a Werewolf.

MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK (a criminally underrated film) is the story of a teenage boy who finds High School to be even more unbearable when he is killed and returns from the dead as a rotting Zombie.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (which spawned one of greatest TV shows of all time) is the story of a teenage valley girl who finds High School to be even more unbearable when she discovers she is destined to slay vampires for the rest of her life.

While it may seem like I am mocking these films by describing them similarly, I am actually stating why I consider them to be a trilogy. All are High School comedies but deal with horror archetypes.

Being a big horror and John Hughes fan, these movies naturally click for me, but there is just something about these movies that I love. I don’t know what it is. It is almost as if the film makers (and everyone else involved) knew that the movies were complete crap and figured they had nothing to lose. So instead to trying so hard to make a great film and screwing up, they just had fun with it…and it showed. It probably didn’t hurt that each film had some pretty incredible talent as well. TEEN WOLF came out just after Michael J. Fox became a household name with Back to the Future. MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK had some dudes in it named Matthew Fox, Matthew McConaughey, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. BUFFY wasn’t too bad either with Hillary Swank’s first screen performance and Ben Afflack in a basketball uni.

But I’m not kidding when I say these movies are actually good. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER is an obvious example considering it was written by Joss Whedon who would later become a fan boy god with the Buffy series, Angel, Firefly, and now Dollhouse. MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK, which contains some of the best one liners I have ever heard (“Are you hungry? There’s plenty of food left over from your funeral”), was written by Dean Lorey who would later become the Executive Producer of Arrested Development, which is probably the funniest TV show ever made.

But what could definitely be considered the “glue” of this trilogy, is one man…Andrew Lowery…who starred in both MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK and BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. Lowery’s pitch perfect “Awww Shucks” vocal tone and incredibly mediocre looks made him the every-teen males of the Mid 80s to Late 90s generation could relate to. He’s the only actor I can think of to pull off the name Johnny Dingle and still look like a bad ass.

Unfortunately, Lowery was unable to hit Shia LeBeouf fame and fell into a life of crap(ier) movies. Perhaps the best bit of trivia is that he is now a producer and writer. In 1999, he wrote the flaming bag of shit Simon Sez starring Dennis Rodman and Dane Cook. What makes this even funnier is he wrote it with Andrew Miller who starred in Cube, but they referred to their partnerhip as “The Drews” (seriously).

Now that I have gone completely off subject, I will wrap up with this. TEEN WOLF, MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK, and BUFFY are three films that could never be made today. They were three films that were not made with a lot of effort, but with a lot of heart. They ended up dying sad, cinematic deaths, but will not be forgotten on DVD. I highly recommend watching them, enjoying them, and realizing that the Mid 80s to Late 90s had these films to entertain them while they dealt with high school…today’s generation has garbage like Jonathan Tucker Must Die.

All things CRANK

I remember seeing the first trailer for CRANK and saying to myself, "Wow...that looks like the stupidest movie ever made." And in a lot of ways, my prediction wasn't that far off. But I couldn't deny the concept. When it comes to an action film, there is no better plot line than CRANK. Hitman Chev Chelios is given a vicious Beijing Cocktail, which means if his adrenaline goes down...he dies. It's pretty much like SPEED, where if they stop the bus, it explodes. But in the world of CRANK, this means he must shoot people, start fights, get into car chases, and have sex JUST TO STAY ALIVE!

Seriously though, that may be the best premise for a shitty action film.

When I saw the trailer and premise, I was reminded what a shitty B-Movie actor Jason Statham had turned into. His Guy Ritchie films promised a new cinematic bad ass, but with movies like The Transporter (2 and 3 as well), he was quickly turning into Jean Claud Van Dame.

One night, while cooking Sin City Breakfast Tacos for the first time, I put on CRANK just to see how bad it really was. I was in the mood for a good/shitty movie, so I was ready to enjoy it. Now I don't know if it was my mood, the amazing breakfast tacos, or what...but I LOVED the film.

Yes, the plotline is stupid. The writing is pretty horrible. The performances shouldn't be noticed by any Academy members. But god damnit, there was something pretty awesome about that film. I watched it a second time...I enjoyed it even more.

CRANK is to an action film the same way EVIL DEAD is to a horror film. It's stupid, but funny. It's shitty, but cool. But most of all...it is totally bad ass.

While watching the film, I couldn't help but feel that it may be the best edited film I've seen since...well...Guy Ritchie. There is no denying the directors, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor have incredible chops and are completely visionary. YEAH! VISIONARY! While there may be a difference between the visions of Cameron or Speilberg and Neveldine and Taylor, there is no denying their originality. These two dudes are basically punk rock film makers. They clearly don't give a f**k about anyone and just want to make a movie that kicks the most amount of ass possible.

But they really are innovative. They made split screens artistic and creative! Throughout the film, Chev is talking on his cell phone with other people. Instead of simply splitting the screen in half, they do CRANK split screens. They project the other person on passing billboards, walls, even Chev's rear view mirror. It's AWESOME!

Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) stated in the Creative Screenwriter's Podcast that watching Bad Boys II was such a better experience than watching The Matrix: Reloaded, because Bad Boys II wasn't pretenious and serious and simply set out to be a spectacle. That is exactly how I felt about CRANK compared to Bad Boys II (and I love BBII).

If you haven't seen CRANK, I highly recommend it. Yes...it's stupid. Yes...it's dumb. But the editing, the creativness, and some really kick ass action on a little budget is extremely entertaining. You need to see it before CRANK 2: High Voltage.

In the sequel, Chev must track down the Chinese mobster who has stolen his indestructable heart (YES!). You can't make this up...oh wait...THEY DID! Remember how I was saying Neveldine and Taylor were punk rockers? Yeah, well they're shooting the sequel with a couple of consumer handycams that you can buy at Best Buy.

I'm telling you, these guys are the most interesting filmmakers since Robert Rodriguez. With GAME (starring Gerard Butler and Michael C. Hall and shot with the Red camera) set to come out, they are definitely worth paying attention to.

A role in the film is NOT a cameo.

A cameo is when a notable figure shows up for one scene in the film just to show their face. John McCain in Wedding Crashers comes to mind. If you have not seen that film (which you should), John McCain shows up at the wedding of a powerful family as a means of portraying the family's power. The film would have worked just fine without him. A cameo is NOT a notable figure who has an impact on the story and moves the plot forward. If you were to look at Wedding Crashers again, Christopher Walken was not a cameo.

Matthew McConaughey in Tropic Thunder is NOT a cameo. I am really getting annoyed with reviews that refer to his role as a “cameo.” For those of you that don’t know, Owen Wilson was originally set to play the role of Rick Peck, but dropped out after his suicide attempt. If Owen Wilson had been in the movie, no one would have referred to his role as a cameo just like they didn’t in Night at the Museum.

For some reason, Matthew McConaughey is not taken seriously anymore which is why I think people are calling it a "cameo." I understand that he's made some poor choices in picking roles, but the dude can still act. With every film he does, he brings a certain personae that can work for the film or against it, but either way, he has a presence that can't be denied. It's just sad that now-a-days instead of being respected (have you SEEN Dazed and Confused?) he's considered a joke.

MY FIRST BLOG

So this is it! I'm officially in the bloggersphere and I'm rock steady and ready to roll.

This page is gonna look real weird for a little while...then it will get awesome looking. After that, there will be more postings from different writers. You'll see.

I've got a bunch of opinions that are all pint up and ready to burst. I'm tired of keeping to myself and am ready to scream out to the world.

You've been warned.